How often does it come up?

I mean, how often do you consider killing yourself? As of late, it seems like it would be a rather liberating experience. I've realized one thing that is common in the last four years of my life: I am a failure in all aspects of life. There hasn't been a single thing that I've done in four years that I've been successful with. After a successful high school career, I went on to community college to be a stepping stone into my future. I became scared of expanding my furthering education. I took entry classes that spanned over many areas of study and I found none that I was intrigued by. So I took classes so that I could take classes. I took classes so that I may be enrolled in school. I took classes so I could retake classes. I took classes so I could fail classes. Looks like it has all caught up to me now.

I mean, I've been depressed before and it was pretty much related to the fact that Rachel and I had broken up. Not just the breaking up part, but the fact that she went on a rampage of dudes after we'd been together for two and a half years. When something like that happens, it tends to fuck with your head... Mine at least. I feel like I have very strong morals, and that doesn't fly with me so much. In those times I felt very inadequate, as I currently do, but I felt as though I could not possibly please anyone, be desirable, or be with anyone again. In those times school had taken an even larger toll on my mental spine. In that time I felt that it would've been easy to just take a knife and kill myself or steal one of my friend's guns and shoot myself. That of course has passed, but now I wonder how easy it would be to jump off of a cliff and let gravity take it's toll. Or maybe veer head on into a truck while I'm driving the bug; see how easily that would obliterate my existence. And if I did any of these things, do you know how much of a burden would be lifted off the shoulders of my parents? I've gotten many chances, but I seem to fuck them up every time. If I simply were nonexistent then there would be no failure to weigh me down. There wouldn't even be any 'if-then' statements. There would just be nothing. My existence would be a mangled corpse deprived of mental cognition and conscious. I wouldn't have to worry about anything more because when I'm dead, I'm dead. There's nothing more than that.